Sometimes good things happen to people like me. Things with the intensity to alter the course of our lives we thought we were destined to tread. We find it surprising, shocking, we’re taken aback. We’re not used to good things. We haven’t had them happen to us in a long time. But we’re thankful for them, with all our soul.
After a moment’s profound happiness, doubt creeps in. We wonder if they were really directed at us or if they landed in our lives by accident. We treat those things with distant consideration. We don’t want to get attached. We believe that they’ll be gone sooner than later- this assumption stems from experience. We get anxious, knowing that any moment could be the moment when things go wrong. The initial excitement is overwhelmed by apprehension. Like a crouched tiger we wait for a wrong move. But unlike the cat, we wait, anticipate even, for catastrophe to strike. We hope for tragedy to come quickly and take away whatever we aren’t meant to keep, so that we can finally claim whatever goodness is left for us- whatever goodness is meant for us, knowing that the ‘impending doom’ is over and dealt with. We, now, don’t keep ourselves from cherishing the goodness we’re left with.
But when a disaster doesn’t strike, we live in fear. We worry every day about losing it. We refuse to acknowledge it and call it our own. We are hesitant to accept it wholly. We say ‘It’s too good to be true’ because we wait for it to lose some of its excellence to befit people like us.
I realize now that despite my doubts and unbelief, I need to be thankful. I cannot put conditions on my gratefulness. Whether the tragedy strikes or not, I don’t deserve good things. Its only grace.
And I am gratified and humbled. That’s all I should focus on.