3 Things to Remember When Planning Your Wedding

Once upon a time there was a girl whose standards were tall and expectations high when it came to love. As unrealistic as they were, she knew that very few people fall in love for real and that maybe not everybody finds it, secretly hoping she does.

Fast forward 20 or so years and here I am, newly married, happy and writing about it already.

Unlike most girls, I had never dreamed about getting married. So when we decided to do it, I didn’t know what I wanted our wedding to be like. I started planning my wedding from scratch and spent nine months completely engrossed in nothing but that. Time flew quickly and the day arrived suddenly.

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It’s been a couple of months since then and now I have time to look back and reminisce. Here are the three things I learnt from that, and maybe it might help you too:

1. Don’t Sweat the small stuff

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I had picked a colour theme for my wedding- Marsala, Off-white and Gold. I also knew that I would prefer a vintage to a modern décor theme. Those were two of the biggest and easiest decisions I made about the wedding. I am an attention-to-detail kind of person, so I had very specific ideas about the ‘look and feel’ of my wedding, every little thing. Although, when the day came, it turned out that not everything was the way I wanted it to be. And you know what? It didn’t matter. Not to us (we were the happy to be married, and also tired) and not to the guests. Everyone did tell us how beautiful the wedding was though, even the ones who didn’t attend but saw the pictures. So, if you cant find the right shade of napkins or if the tablecloth isn’t the exact same shade as the flowers on the wedding arch, don’t sweat it because…

2. …things will go wrong

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You’ve heard the expression/law that “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”? At a wedding there are a hundred things that can go wrong, so there’s a high chance of atleast some things going wrong. The sooner you make peace with it and remember the first point, the better. At my wedding, none of the drapes/cloths matched the colour of the flowers- they were wine instead of marsala; I tore a little lace of my wedding gown during the photo-shoot; we couldn’t do the first dance; I didn’t walk down the aisle to the song I had picked; my polaroid camera that we were using for the guestbook got stolen… I can go on. With all that happening I had to remind myself that I couldn’t let these things ruin my mood or my wedding. What’s important is to remind yourself (or ask your Maid of Honour to remind you) that your wedding day is about you and your husband and celebrating your marriage! Don’t let it be about anything else but that, don’t let a couple of trivialities steal the thunder that belongs to you.

3. It’s okay to let it out

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But in case things do get to you over the course of your planning months, which at some point they will, it’s perfectly normal to vent it out. You’ll feel better afterwards, take it from me.

I am a pretty composed and patient person but, I don’t do well under pressure. I could feel the stress of our do-it-ourself wedding, especially during the last few days leading up to the wedding. On the day of, I was starting to freak out about things happening on time and happening right, till I couldn’t keep it all in and one tiny little thing made me lash out. Oh, was it bad! I was shouting at my family and all the emotions I was feeling, from frustration to anger, came out one by one. It wasn’t a pretty sight. When the storm subsided, I realized I needed that, I needed to let go of all the pent up negative emotions I was harbouring. My family understood it too eventually. And things became okay after my then-boyfriend-now-husband came to calm me down (he’s the only one who can). The rest of my wedding was then drama-free, at least on my end.

A friend of mine told me that she had a similar situation the night before her big day.

Maybe you’ll have an episode before the wedding, maybe you wont- either way IT’S OKAY TO LET IT OUT.

Here’s to you getting married! May your nerves be balmy and your tulle fluffy.

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Here Comes The Rain

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The rains bring with them, a whole new plethora of emotions. I love the sound of rains as they wrestle with the winds, falling on the living and unbreathing alike. Grey clouds make me feel cozy, feeling like a soft, fluffy blanket covering the skies. The thunderstorms sound like somebody airing that enormous thick grey blanket vehemently, trying to even it out over the unending skies.

The monsoons are sort of like the character Sadness in the movie Inside Out. You don’t appreciate her in the beginning and you think she is an unnecessary phenomenon who’s only capable of ruining things. But later, you realize the power she possesses. Sadness is, sometimes, the only one with the ability to save you. You learn that without her, Joy is incomplete. The rains are like her. Without the gloomy and wet weather, there is nothing endearing about sunshine. And without it there are no rainbows.

There is something mysteriously redeeming about the rains. All the dirt and adulteration seems to get washed away. It makes the world feel real. The green of the leaves, the colours of the flowers, the smells of the earth, they all come alive. And you can feel it too. They make you feel things without reason- sadness, joy, love, loneliness and more.

The rains, they make you feel real.

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That Woman…

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I see a woman, bent over a pot of hot curry, stirring it, as she smells it to assess if the ingredients had come together. If it smells like a memory, it’s cooked right, she always says. She walks with a bounce around the house to the sound of soft soul music, setting the table and laying the plates. Her peaceful eyes gleam with wisdom, they reflect the peace within. She looks exactly like her mother did at her age, but she is nothing like her mother. There is contentment in her heart and joy in her soul. Her life is of her own making, she loves it to the last bit.

She pulls her fine, black hair back into a tight bun, as she checks on the curry, still brewing, smelling like Christmas eve at her grandparents’ house when she was a little girl. The evening is getting colder, she floats across her tiny cottage shutting the windows, drawing the curtains. There are a million stars in the sky, and every night you can watch them twinkle in a rhythm.

Supper is ready and the lights are lit. She looks beyond the gate, calling her dogs by their names. They come rushing, she can see their heads bobbing over the horizon, bringing with them a gust of energy and the chilly mountain wind. She raised them since they were babies, like her own children, growing up in front of her eyes, little by little, every day. They rush to their bowls which she fills with water. They drink it splashing it all over themselves and the floor, panting as they do.

There is beauty in tranquility.
There is bliss in finding it.

Ever loved a bigot?

In a world full of prejudice and bigotry, this post sums it all up.

See, there's this thing called biology...

Yes, we all have. If you’ve ever loved anyone, you’ve loved a bigot. We all have prejudices and biases, every one of us. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, it simply is what it is. The human brain tries to compartmentalize and classify data and one way we do that is with stereotypes. There are stereotypes about men, about women, about ethnicity, religion, about politics and ideologies. These are defense mechanisms related to our survival, not character defects.

Some people try to claim their bigotry is not really bigotry since it’s only directed towards racist-southern-bitter-small-town-bible-clingers. Or-prius-driving-vegan gluten-avoiding-hipsters. Baby boomers, millennials, Luddites, traditionalists, people with baggy pants who wear too much gold jewelry, or rabid right wingers. The truth of the matter is that not only are we all bigots, we may indeed be far more bigoted today. We’re overwhelmed with information, we’re forced to compartmentalize now more than ever.

In…

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By The Sea

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Our lives are full of commotion and chaos. We walk among the weak and tired. We feel the frustration as the winds of uncertainty constantly blow in and out of our lives. We hold on to the hope and the gratification we get in the little joys of life. We live, not survive, everyday.

I pride myself on being armed to deal with it all, all on my own. I like to stop for a while, in the silence of the night and be still. We have so much to think about, so much to deal with. We hoard so many emotions, so many questions in our heads, we need a time-out. I tend to sit by the sea and stare at the waters- sometimes turbulent, sometimes calm. That’s when I drown out the noise of the mundane world that exists behind me. In that moment, I have nothing to do with that world brimming with injustice and dirt; in that moment, I exist alone with the vast waters in front of me. The moon, the stars and all that exists beyond, is mine. The sound of the waves and the winds that carry them, is the melody that helps me unwind.

In that instance, that quiet time, I converse with the One above. How did I fare today? Did I do Him proud? Did I matter today? Did I stand out by being honest and fair? I unburden all that I hold against the world and learn to be a better person tomorrow. I reaffirm my faith in the good and promise to keep the hope, never to let it go.

These nights are the best part of my day. While others engage with one another at the sea-front, I form a bubble around me, even if for a little while. Till I turn around and face the world again.

What Caring Feels Like

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Not too long ago my mother was severely sick and admitted in the hospital. She had to undergo a surgery. At the time, my relationship with her was strained to say the least, but you classify these issues as trivial in times of sickness. I was concerned about her, I wished she would return home healthy and in full swing. But I couldn’t go visit her in the hospital, and I know she still holds that against me. Those nude walls and the smell of disinfectants make me uneasy. When I look at a sleeping patient’s face, my brain tells me very masochistically, “This is what they would look like when they’re dead.” My mother’s all well now.

Recently, a very dear friend was admitted in a hospital, it was sudden. I went to visit him despite my aversion. I just wanted to see his face. I wanted to be brave. When I entered the ICU, he was under anesthesia, his condition critical. I called out his name. He didn’t wake up, didn’t respond. My mind started spurting disturbing thoughts. I tried to quieten them. The doctors asked me to shake him and try to wake him up. I couldn’t. I was afraid of the silence reinforcing that dreaded thought.

The next day he was awake. We spoke for a while. He looked better. But I couldn’t shake this ill feeling inside of me.

It is hard for me to get attached to people. But sometimes, some people happen to walk right through those walls. Hard times teach you lessons that you won’t learn otherwise. And sometimes these lessons are perceptions about yourself. Maybe those ‘ill feelings’ are these realizations- teaching me what it’s like to truly care about somebody.

Logical Fool

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I have been having certain conversations with friends recently and my idea of how people reason is slowly being broken. Being a logical person, I assumed that most people think logically. I thought that emotional people, although I acknowledge their existence, are few in number. This might not be true, I’m learning. When I talk to these friends, they tell me about the problems they are facing in their lives, mostly relationship-wise. I tell them what I would do if I faced the problems they do. I tell them I would use my brains. The strange thing is that they agree with my version of the solution as being the right thing to do, but eventually, they can’t help but take decisions influenced by their emotions. And that annoys me. I think, ‘Why can’t they think rationally and stop being such emotional fools?’ (I love them, of course).

I don’t discredit emotions at all. They are a big part of defining us as human beings. We are only persuaded by logic but most of our decisions are based on emotions, consciously or sub-consciously. Logic tells us the reality but we act on our emotions. The logical thing to do at a friend’s party would be to greet people; how we extend that greeting- do we shake hands? Hug?- depends on our level of intimacy with the person. Emotions influence a lot of our decisions everyday, we don’t even realize it.

With that said, when it comes to problems, I believe that emotions should take to the back-burner. Emotions are temporary, the decisions you make in the moment of emotional weakness can leave you with a lot of questions and maybe even regret. On the other hand, there is no weakness in rationality. As a human I have emotional responses to everything too, but as a rational person, I know when to push it aside. That is what it means to be logical- knowing when to let your emotions guide you and having the power to know when to not.
I’m a minority, I’m aware.