By The Sea

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Our lives are full of commotion and chaos. We walk among the weak and tired. We feel the frustration as the winds of uncertainty constantly blow in and out of our lives. We hold on to the hope and the gratification we get in the little joys of life. We live, not survive, everyday.

I pride myself on being armed to deal with it all, all on my own. I like to stop for a while, in the silence of the night and be still. We have so much to think about, so much to deal with. We hoard so many emotions, so many questions in our heads, we need a time-out. I tend to sit by the sea and stare at the waters- sometimes turbulent, sometimes calm. That’s when I drown out the noise of the mundane world that exists behind me. In that moment, I have nothing to do with that world brimming with injustice and dirt; in that moment, I exist alone with the vast waters in front of me. The moon, the stars and all that exists beyond, is mine. The sound of the waves and the winds that carry them, is the melody that helps me unwind.

In that instance, that quiet time, I converse with the One above. How did I fare today? Did I do Him proud? Did I matter today? Did I stand out by being honest and fair? I unburden all that I hold against the world and learn to be a better person tomorrow. I reaffirm my faith in the good and promise to keep the hope, never to let it go.

These nights are the best part of my day. While others engage with one another at the sea-front, I form a bubble around me, even if for a little while. Till I turn around and face the world again.

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The World I Want

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Very recently I quit my job. Yesterday when somebody asked me what I was going to do next, my reply was “I want to get away!” “What from?” he asked. “Everything,” I said. Of course that answer isn’t sufficient when somebody is genuinely looking for a way to help you. I knew that. Although, I’m very sure that my inability to explain myself, made me look like an idiot. I couldn’t help it. I have always felt distressed when a conversation gets private and personal about me.

My sad attempt at making my thoughts clear to this person prompted me to write about it. I have always been clearer on paper (or e-paper for that matter).

I don’t want to live a life that the world expects us to live. I’ve tried, but realized that my priorities are very different. Work, for me, is not my life. It is a part of life, but nobody sees it like that anymore. If you’re not killing yourself over your job while hating it, you’re going nowhere professionally.

I’m tired of all the selfishness and the greed that constitutes the world. People function on the default setting of being mean to each other. Today, even a smile is not always reciprocated. How have we come to be consumed with so much indifference? Why is everyone a lying, hypocrite? Why are we so quick to pass judgement and hate each other? Why are we proud of the things that we should be ashamed of? Why have we become so jaded that apathetic behaviour seems normal to us? Why do we have to put “Learn to say ‘Thank You’” on a list of things to do? Where did we lose all the goodness in us?

So, when I say that I want to run away from everything, this above, is what I mean by ‘everything’.

I want to build healthy relationships with people who can help me grow as a person and vice versa. I want to be a part of a simple society wherein people truly care about each other, without any ulterior motives. I want my life to not be driven by money and popularity and public image, but measure it by the lives I have touched. I don’t want a list of random acts of kindness to do once a week or over a month, I want my everyday life to be a series of acts of kindness. I want as much truth in what I get, as in what I give. I want to live a valuable life. In the end, I want to be able to look back at my life and be proud of myself. And make my Creator proud.

Maybe I might find this. Maybe I wont. But I will keep searching. And I am.