Here I Am

BP

 

It’s the people that make places special. The opposite also holds true. I have been admittedly biased about a few places because the memories of them are marred by unscrupulous people and, experiences that I’d rather not waste my brains cells in remembering.

Where I live now, I’d never have thought of coming back to, not in a thousand years. Yet, here I am. The work opportunity I’m getting here, I could never have gotten anywhere else. This was the right decision.

I am a different person now, than I was when I left this city 6 years ago. In that time spent away, I’ve become unrecognizably unlike the teenager I was when I left. I am stronger, independent, more mature and happier than I used to be. I now know who I am, as opposed to being lost and running on fumes.

I was apprehensive about coming back. I told myself that I won’t stay for very long. That the minute I would find any kind of work anywhere else, I’d leave. I guess I was scared of losing myself. I was scared that this place would bring back the bad old days.

But not anymore.

I was underestimating myself. I learnt that the genuinity of who I am does not enable a backspace function. This self-realization surprised me, but it gives me the courage to be fearless and face this dreary memorial of a city.

Moving Forward With Hope and Faith

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It is always in the nature of life to throw the unexpected at us, whether good or bad, it doesn’t care. They say that those things are to make us stronger, teach us lessons, and help us grow. And even though we face the occasional good and the frequent bad, we must keep moving forward, ever forward. It is tough, I can say that, because the good makes us comfortable and secure in where we are. And the bad makes us want to run away on a different tangent, or quit. Moving forward is not easy.

When we make new decisions and advance towards making them happen, we take a risk, we’re apprehensive; we have cold feet, even as we move. But a few steps in that direction expel our fears and validate our beliefs in our decision. We’re pumped up. As our inhibitions lower, our confidence rises, we’re ready to counter anything that obstructs our way.

As we start getting used to the path, we start facing the real challenges. We’re half-way through, we must keep pushing forward, we tell ourselves, it was never going to be easy. In the end, it’ll be worth it, we are sure. And with that self-assurance we overcome those mountains. But the mountains don’t cease to sprout. Sometimes we grow weary and want to leave while we’re ahead, but a tiny voice inside our head always wants us to keep it together and follow the road to the end, giving us hope.

But as we walk the hills and valleys of what used to be a straight (even if) narrow path, doubts start pouring in. Was I meant to tread here? Or did I just wander in? Am I completely off the way I was supposed to go? What if these obstacles aren’t a test of my dedication, but are a sign that I have stumbled on to the wrong path? How far must I go, before I know?

Most times we don’t have the answers to any of our real questions. What we can have is hope– that we’re walking the line; and faith in being led, through whatever paths, to where we are meant to be.