Here Comes The Rain

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The rains bring with them, a whole new plethora of emotions. I love the sound of rains as they wrestle with the winds, falling on the living and unbreathing alike. Grey clouds make me feel cozy, feeling like a soft, fluffy blanket covering the skies. The thunderstorms sound like somebody airing that enormous thick grey blanket vehemently, trying to even it out over the unending skies.

The monsoons are sort of like the character Sadness in the movie Inside Out. You don’t appreciate her in the beginning and you think she is an unnecessary phenomenon who’s only capable of ruining things. But later, you realize the power she possesses. Sadness is, sometimes, the only one with the ability to save you. You learn that without her, Joy is incomplete. The rains are like her. Without the gloomy and wet weather, there is nothing endearing about sunshine. And without it there are no rainbows.

There is something mysteriously redeeming about the rains. All the dirt and adulteration seems to get washed away. It makes the world feel real. The green of the leaves, the colours of the flowers, the smells of the earth, they all come alive. And you can feel it too. They make you feel things without reason- sadness, joy, love, loneliness and more.

The rains, they make you feel real.

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Go Back To Being You!

Things have been crazy in the last two months. I have been too caught up to write. Many a times I found myself trying to piece together all my thoughts and putting them into words, binding them all by a common thread. But, I was all over the place. I couldn’t do justice to the reflections in my mind.

When I started this blog, I made a conscious decision to not give up on something I love- writing. Everybody’s busy. Too busy to do the things they love, too busy to be happy. I told myself that I will never be one of them. Then, I realized that I was slowly turning.

When you get a new job and move to a new city, you adjust with everything to fit in. But what happens when you wake up one morning and realize that in that strive, you’ve turned into somebody you’re not? How did you come so far off the track that you were on, without realizing it sooner?

In my need to adapt, I was continuously trying to push aside myself, without being aware of the frustration that was building up. What seemed like harmless changes, started to pile up against the person that I am. I had this revelation last night. I snapped at my sister for no apparent reason. I realized at that moment that sub-consciously, I was desperately trying to be and stay positive, I was trying too hard. And that one little hint of negativity (or in my sister’s case, a complaint), was enough to invalidate all the efforts I was making.

I can blame a lot of things for causing these unpleasant changes. But who would care for them? Ultimately, it’s me who has to correct my wrongs, get back on track with being true to myself, and make the necessary changes. All I can be thankful for, is the dawning of this realization before things got out of hand and I became insufferable even to myself.

As I write this, I’m reminded of Anne Hathaway’s character- Andrea Sachs- in the movie, The Devil Wears Prada. I’m not as pretty but a lot of my frustration also, stems from work and the power play that goes on in the office. Like her, my social life is zero (which could also be attributed to the new city). Atleast, she had a boyfriend. I don’t. Although if I did, that relationship would’ve also suffered, just like hers did.  And on a lighter note, I was also a journalism student, till I decided to work in the admin/HR department, like her. Oh the similarities!

But like Andrea Sachs, I’m going to make things better now that I know what’s at stake. Unlike her, things haven’t gotten totally out of hand. Whether I keep my job, or not, and for how long, that remains to be seen.


Emanate Happiness

I’m not somebody who plans for the future. Not even the near future. It sometimes borders on passivity, I cannot deny that. But most times it’s about living and hoping that tomorrow brings with it something good. And most times it does. Maybe you might want to stop and think about things that genuinely made you happy today; things that made you smile without so much as a second thought. Keep those things close. You might need a reason to smile someday and then you won’t have to search so hard.

Don’t let your joy fade away because of distance, time or speed. Be a carrier of contagious smiles this year. After all, practice makes perfect.

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Dear S

 One of my closest friends ever, let’s call her S, broke up with her boyfriend earlier this week. I have watched enough rom-coms and been the agony aunt enough times, to know how absolutely terrible break-ups can be. So I might not be able to empathize completely with all you broken-hearted, but I know what a broken heart is.

I admit I’m not the best person when it comes to comforting people. I’m like Dr. Sheldon Cooper (from The Big Bang Theory), “There there” is all I ever have. But I love S very much and it’s sad to hear her cry and to not be able to give her a hug because she lives on another continent. So, this one’s for her.

Dear S,

I’m sorry to hear about your relationship reaching such an ugly end. I remember all the times you called me to tell me about the “great guy” you met and how he’s changed your world. I remember you telling me that you were the happiest when you were with him and how special he makes you feel. I also remember the time when you told me that you were in love with him and we crooned over it. The last few calls though, have been different. I hate to hear you cry. I hate that I’m not there with you to support your decision of letting go of somebody who once meant so much to you. But you did the right thing. You were awesome in your strength to leave him. I hate him for stealing your smile from you. But I’m hopeful that your smile will return soon. Your face looks incomplete without it.

Compromising on the little things in a relationship is one thing, the vanishing of the trust that held you two together through the thick and thin, is another. A partner should be a rock for you to lean on in times of trouble, and not be the trouble. He should preserve you from harm, not make you feel unsafe. He should be bold enough to take a stand, stand by you, and not ridicule your insecurities. He should make you laugh, not leave you to cry alone; tell you that you’re worthy of all love and happiness, not make you feel worthless.

 I believe everything happens for a reason. You may not see this now, but I know that this relationship has made you more assertive. It has given you the courage to stand up to all the people who take you for granted. You have learnt to not give-in. You have learnt to push back when you’re being wronged. So, don’t think that you have wasted your life, because you haven’t. You were brave when you were in this relationship. You fought for your future and your happiness. And that kind of bravery is bigger than this person. So, keep fighting that fight, never stop.

And I know that one day you’ll be brave enough to fall in love again, just like the last time [= . In the meantime, you have me rooting for you.

Love, hugs and sloppy kisses
Me

P.s. Here’s a smile to get you started-

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Is Absolute Happiness Real?

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I have met a few people who claim to have lived a very protected and loving childhood, and who now lead very uncomplicated lives. But they always say that there is atleast one aspect of their lives that complicates their sorted world. They all always have one thing that makes life less than perfect for them. I admit to being envious of these friends in the past, for having just ‘one or two things that aren’t working out, you know’ against my ‘the silver lining is, I’m still alive you know’. But they made me realize that perfect state of happiness is utopian. There’s nobody who’s truly happy in every way in this world. We strive to be, we seek it, we live life in pursuit of it, we sing songs about it and sometimes we even fool ourselves into thinking that we are there, but it’s like a Will-o’-the-Wisp – we follow it, come close to grabbing it and then it disappears, but then we see another and that’s how we get through life. Some believe it leads you to your destiny while others consider it a misleading hope.

When we are perfectly happy, we’re satisfied and content. We don’t need to strive for anything, we don’t want. We risk being stagnant. I guess that’s why we need to have a little chaos brought into our lives from time to time, by uncontrollable forces so that we are driven by the hope of attaining it. Everything works on incentives that push us to work towards something. Attaining that wholesome happiness is what our incentive is. Maybe we’re not meant to attain it in this life, maybe it’s unreal, but if it makes us overcome our troubles and problems, be good and do what’s right, it’s the best reason to live.

When I was a little girl, I didn’t believe in Santa Claus (yes, I’ve been a cynic all my life). I found it unbelievable, the whole story. But it was a good story so I went along with it, year after year, never telling my family that I knew the truth (also, because I loved waking up to gifts under my pillow- which is where Santa leaves gifts in our family). So, even now in my 20s, I wake up with the hope of finding gifts under my pillow on Christmas morning. And I find them every Christmas morning, because my parents know how much I love it. And we all pretend they’re from Santa Claus. That’s how I feel about happiness. This perfect happiness is my Santa Claus. I know its make-believe but I still work towards being nice all year anticipating a present, a reward. And the rewards are pretty sweet.

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Less Is More Than Enough

I believe in the ‘less is more’ theory. I believe that less is enough. I like simple, un-complicated, and minimal. I think less is underrated in this capitalistic world of commercial, feeble happiness. I want a simple job that pays the bills, with fewer work hours, lesser stress. My dream home is a tiny living space that I share with my dog(s). I want a small car that gets me to where I want to go. I want less ‘things’. I believe that when we have less ‘things’ to steal our time from us, we have more time to invest in ourselves. We are more real. We are more self-aware. More mature. An honest hug and a soft kiss is more sincere, more assuring, more loving than a thousand words of comfort. A simple smile from a stranger makes our day a little better. A small act of kindness melts hearts.

Then why do we waste time on constantly wanting more? More money, more control, more watches, more gadgets, more shoes? What drives us to want more? Why aren’t we ever satisfied? Maybe the media is to blame for showing off the wealth of the world, telling us we’re incomplete without certain ‘things’. Or maybe it’s the leaders, parents, teachers, celebrities, hypocrites. But aren’t we responsible for allowing them to feed on our insecurities?  Look at the thickly veiled lives of the people who have more. Now look at the kid playing with a rag doll or a football. Less is more than enough.

Amidst all this though, we have lost our judgment of what we should want more- faith, knowledge, love, happiness, courage, truth and strength. And it is only at our lowest that we come to the realization of the vanity of our lives and the meaningless nonsense we obliviously waste it on. I know this because I have been there.

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