Very recently I quit my job. Yesterday when somebody asked me what I was going to do next, my reply was “I want to get away!” “What from?” he asked. “Everything,” I said. Of course that answer isn’t sufficient when somebody is genuinely looking for a way to help you. I knew that. Although, I’m very sure that my inability to explain myself, made me look like an idiot. I couldn’t help it. I have always felt distressed when a conversation gets private and personal about me.
My sad attempt at making my thoughts clear to this person prompted me to write about it. I have always been clearer on paper (or e-paper for that matter).
I don’t want to live a life that the world expects us to live. I’ve tried, but realized that my priorities are very different. Work, for me, is not my life. It is a part of life, but nobody sees it like that anymore. If you’re not killing yourself over your job while hating it, you’re going nowhere professionally.
I’m tired of all the selfishness and the greed that constitutes the world. People function on the default setting of being mean to each other. Today, even a smile is not always reciprocated. How have we come to be consumed with so much indifference? Why is everyone a lying, hypocrite? Why are we so quick to pass judgement and hate each other? Why are we proud of the things that we should be ashamed of? Why have we become so jaded that apathetic behaviour seems normal to us? Why do we have to put “Learn to say ‘Thank You’” on a list of things to do? Where did we lose all the goodness in us?
So, when I say that I want to run away from everything, this above, is what I mean by ‘everything’.
I want to build healthy relationships with people who can help me grow as a person and vice versa. I want to be a part of a simple society wherein people truly care about each other, without any ulterior motives. I want my life to not be driven by money and popularity and public image, but measure it by the lives I have touched. I don’t want a list of random acts of kindness to do once a week or over a month, I want my everyday life to be a series of acts of kindness. I want as much truth in what I get, as in what I give. I want to live a valuable life. In the end, I want to be able to look back at my life and be proud of myself. And make my Creator proud.
Maybe I might find this. Maybe I wont. But I will keep searching. And I am.